>ps. I have told you that i am flatliner... in my borderline- expirience i
>preceived *myself* as pure consciousness! in this consciousness appeared
>one question... SHOULD THE CONSCIOUSNESS GO ON OR SHOULD THE
>CONSCIOUSNESS GO BACK???
>and the decision came directly I WANTED TO GO BACK!
>when i awaked in hospital i was very angry about this decision... HOW
>COULD I BE SO DAMN DUMB!!!!!!!!!!!
>i think i never have forgiven mzself this decision... never til that
>night Green Tara was with me and Yeshe Khandru was dancing smiley!!!
>this anger always helt me away to preceive mzself as *clear mind*!
>
>but a week after the hospital i met ole the first time... anyway – it
>still took zears but the story started....smiley it was in january
>1987...exactly 14 zears before our *nina hagen* mail smiley
>pps. I think i used the word `dissolution mz ignorance` because i had
>the feeling there is something to dissolve/ and it should be this anger
>which was to be dissolved.
Aaaaaaaah, your letter sounds like a wonderful music...sooo good!
It feels like something cold and heavy left your mind, and you`re free and
Easy smiley thank you Piri. You couldn`t say it better...
>You know, your borderline expirience almost exactlz matches one my
>Dream, which I had about a zear after taking refugee... it was one of the
>Most striking ones, so I remember it well.
>I was riding the bus in St. Petersburg, and everything around me was
>So pale and bleak... grey sky, pale buildings, pale people in grey
>Boots...for some reason, boots I recalled best. And I felt so uneasy
>... I think, I wanted so strong to go to some other place... and,
>all of a suddenn, I found myself and little crowd of people in some dark
>place, in front of huge doors with rounded top, and on top there was a
>half circular writing `OSVOBOYHDENIE` (means `LIBERATION` inb Russian). I
>remember, I was curious... why LIBERATION, not ENLIGHTMENT? What does >that
>mean? And then, slowly the doors started to open, and little crack appeared
>there... and extremlz, unbelievable bright light shone from inside. And as I
>saw this light,
>I instantly found mzself in this light, already behind the doors.
>Saying `myself` is wrong, because my `self` somehow disappeared and I turned
>Into this light, and it was here and everywhere, without beginning an end
>And shape and size, so there was no self... and this light was not immaterial
>...it was like billions and billions of small shiny light points, each point
>vibrating with... I cannot describe it... with happiness and light and joy,
>sound and feeling, and everything most beautiful I could ever think of.
>And at the same time, while I was all that, I still had th ability to think
>...thoughts just appeared in this light... and I thought `so it is what is
>real... it is what I am really. What a joy and freedom!` And as I thought
>it... it lasted a moment, the highest joy I ever expirienced, everything in it
>...also appeared recollection of this grey city I was in before, grey people,
>grey boots... And I thought..`if this is what i am now is the only real and
>the only truth- it shall be everzwhere, and the grey city and grey people
>and grey boots in grey bus shall also be of that nature`. And that thought
>was not even thought- just being that light was so convinving, that
>it could not be anything anywhere which is different, or grey, or just not
>that light.
>And as I realiyed it- all of a sudden I found myself back, in the grey city,
>Grey bus, grey people all around me, back in grey boots... as if nothing
>Happened, and I completely forgt about this place I just have been.
>When I awoke though, I remembered of this place.
>And you know, I was very gratefull t both being in that `LIBERATION place
>And being back in grey city- I perceived that dream as a confirmation, that
>My life has highest sense, and there is meaning in me being here- most
>Important, that I HAVE CHOSEN to get back.
>It all gave me very meaningful sense freedom – that whatever I do,
>and whereever I am, I never loose that place I came from, I never loose that
>light nature of mind; but, instead I will bring it to everything, wich is
>still grey, and not light yet; and I will make it unconditional, not subject
>of place and time. No more grey places :-)) I just could not take as truth
>something, which only located in one place and not everywhere – that truth
>would be limited, it would be half-truth. That really, really makes freedom
>of choice meaningful – to bring this light wherever you are and whatever you
>are to turn half-truth into full and all-pervading Truth.
>Well enouhg words.
>Just, I think, I understand what you mean by getting back...but I think,
>That was your choice, expression of your freedom and truth which goes beyond
>Experience with you, because it is what you really are.
>:-))))
>Many | KARMAPA CHENNO | and lots of hapiness,
boris
>PS. You know, what’s funny ? When I had this dream, I did not know, that
>Liberation and Enlightenment are to different states of mind, and that
>Liberation comes before Enlightenmen...I did not even know there is such a
>Termin in Buddhism, as”liberation”. This is why I was curious, what this
>Word “LIBERATION” meant in my dream. Later, I have heard about liberation as
>A seperate phase from Ole.
>Isnt’it funny, that I first learnt about liberation in my dream, and only
>Afterwords – in reality ?
b.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
- D [Pictures like poems, no?, Denis]
Das hatte ich nicht erwartet! Dieser Traum gab mir Worte und Bilder für das, was ich im Nahtod erlebt hatte. Genau diese Worte hatten mir gefehlt. Ich hätte es nicht besser sagen können. Diese Beschreibungen waren wunderschön. Nun hatte ich Worte, um das Klare Licht auszudrücken. Boris drückte aus, was ich erlebt hatte.
D [Dieses Kapitel in meinem Leben ist noch nicht ganz beendet, Denis. Und es ist ein ganzes Kapitel in dieser Geschichte wert]
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
D[So mus es sein, Denis, wenn man die Wahrheit spürt und kurz davor ist in sie einzutreten. Diese Wahrheit ist beyond all words and koncepts. Alle Konzepte werden so begrenzt. Veritas semper major. Die Wahrheit ist immer größer, als das was man von ihr zu erfasen glaubt. ( das gleiche Kapitel no mind no problem, „sharmapa )
Die Konzepte werden austauschbar. Nicht mehr als bloße fingerpointings to the moon. Wahrheit erknne man, wenn man vor ihr steht. Jeder der glaubt, das allein seelig machende gefunden zu haben, macht sich lächerlich. Bei Konzepten geht es einzig und allein darum, ob es den, der das ausübt glücklich macht und er dabei keinem anderen schadet.]
Ich stand vor der Wahrheit, danach war jedes Konzept nur noch Papalapapp, Mumpitz.
Ich wollte in dieses Klare Licht hinein, weil ich fühlte, dass ich dieses Klare Licht bin. Es war das Ende und der Anfang von Allem. Das was Alles ist und das wo Alles hingeht um wieder zu beginnen. – Ich habe einen Hauch von dem verspürt, was Wahrheit ist.
D[Vor ewigen Zeiten haben wir Drei uns versprochen, dass wir uns in jedem Leben begegnen werden um uns auf unserem Weg weiterzuhelfen. Wir Beide haben das gewußt.
Aber pssst, ich glaube, Boris ist das nicht so bewußt. Anyway nun erfüllt er sein Versprechen. Ob Boris wohl jemals ahnt, welch wichtige Rolle er gespielt hat, Denis?]
Ich musste mich bedanken, das stand fest, nur wie? Schließlich beschloss ich von meiner Begegnung mit dem Klaren Licht zu erzählen. Ich wollte mit Boris mein Nah-Todes-Erlebnis im Krankenhaus nach meinem Suizidversuch teilen. Bis jetzt hatte ich dieses Bedürfnis noch nie gehabt. Doch nun war meine Verwirrung von damals gewichen.
Zwar fehlten mir immer noch die Worte, aber ich hoffte Boris würde trotzdem erkennen iwe besonders dieses teilen für mich war. Ich dachte nicht, dass er verstehen würde was ich ihm zu sagen versuchte.
Aber ich wurde eines besseren belehrt. Boris antwortete mit einer Email, die mir den Atem nahm.
(Mai 09)
Daimon: Die Frage, was kannst nur du der Welt geben? Nur du und niemand sonst!- damit wird dir deine Bestimung klar. Damit wurde mir meine Bestimmung klar. Das was ich alleine in die Welt bringen kann ist ein Buch über meine Geschichte. Und diesen Satz streuen.
Manchmal sind Daimons zuerst unwichtig erscheinende Sachen:
was könnte wohl so ein Daimon sein? Irgendwie hängt es die Erlebnisse ums klare Licht weiterzugeben zusammen in einem Buch. Meine Lebensaufgabe ist dieses Buch. Danach habe ich meinen Herzenswunsch erfüllt.
Sometimes Daimons
Von Bob gelernt. Eigene Erfahrungen teilen ist das Handeln eines Boddhisatvas. Aber jetzt erst Sprachen, wie ich meine Erfahrungen teilen kann.
Habe meinen Daimon gefunden, meinen Diamanten.
Fortsetzung folgt....
copyright* piri schmidt
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